Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
