I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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