I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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