So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
