The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
