there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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