so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
