One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
