Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
