Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize