I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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