if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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