We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
