a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
