I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
