Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
