Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
