considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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