she woke up with a sticky ear
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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