Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
