my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We talked him into tasing himself.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
