His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
