Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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