Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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