Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
