Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
