I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
