when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
