its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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