Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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