my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
