At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
