Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
