Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
