so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
