i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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