Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
