I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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