"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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