So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
