I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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