just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
