Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
