life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
