This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize