yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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