giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
