I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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