Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Every concussion has its silver lining
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Terrible idea I love it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
