You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
