Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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