My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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