Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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