You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
