if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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