Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
