everyone is single if you try hard enough
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
