Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
