I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
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"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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