I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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