why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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