My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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