does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
