I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
