She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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