Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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