I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I deserve this hangover.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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