I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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