I accidentally had phone sex last night
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
