WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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