im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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