I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
