All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
