YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
