Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
