people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He better not be in your backpack
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
