Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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