Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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